2005-10-13 12:03 p.m.
First Kiss
2nd Entry for the Day.
I got this from Zen, but I decided to break it up a bit.
F I R S T S
First best friend: Jenn
First car: Volkswagon Bug
First real kiss: Greg
First break-up: Greg
First self purchased album: Foreigner 4 (I think)
First funeral: great grandmother
First pets: cats
First piercing/tattoo: ears
First credit card: Mastercard
First enemy: some girl at school (she didn't like how I dressed because some of my clothes were hand made and she felt I was gay.)
First big trip: We did a lot of traveling. I guess Niagara Falls
First sexual partner: dh
First heart break: Greg
This took me back to that first kiss. Actually that kiss sucked, however I really liked the guy. When I met him he was dating my friend. He was the bad boy type, not very handsome, but very adventurous. I found out that he lived a few blocks from me in a neighborhood that belonged in a different school district from mine. I started frequenting the neighborhood and I bumped into him. He introduced me to another friend of his who was putting together or refinishing a car. (Yeah, I was old ...16) I started hanging at their houses all the time. It turns out the guy with the car was interested in me, but I wasn't interested in him. He was shorter than me, a lot shorter than me. Sorry, but I prefer my men folk taller than me or at least the same height. That was a fun summer that year. I was almost never home and I got to meet all sorts of people. The guys took my friends and I everywhere. Sometimes I felt like a 3rd wheel (my friends and those guys were dating), but I was so happy to be out with people. I was painfully shy up till that point and had extremely low self-esteem. I think I had convinced myself that I was the ugliest person on the planet. But the guys said otherwise. When my friend and Greg broke up, Greg knew I was interested and we got together for a bit. Unfortunately his home life was awful and though I didn't realize it at the time, he was drinking and starting to do drugs. He was very protective of me and never got me involved in that scene. To this very day I don't know why. I'm glad, but I always wondered why. We only dated a month or 2. It wouldn't have been that long if I hadn't changed my hair and all and he felt bad about breaking up with me when my appearance got better, which I suspect means he was dating 2 people, but we were young and I really was ... well ... I don't know ... just a friend. In case that sounded dumb, he and the other girl had sex and that's what he was looking for in a relationship. I wasn't ready for that and he never pushed it.
I was so very naive back then. I don't know why, but he kept in contact with me for years and called me every so often. He called me after he attempted suicide, but I didn't know that at the time. I just knew there was something wrong. I begged him to get help and not to do anything stupid. He told me he already had. I told my friends and one of his and they thought he was faking. Luckily he called someone else and she called the police.
He also contacted me when he went to jail. I still cared for him, so I wrote to him and went to visit a few times. When he got out he contacted me again, but my parents were furious with me. Somewhere in there he told me he loved me and I was floored. It came out of nowhere. I stopped talking to him (at my father's insistence), but I always wondered why he told me that. Did he mean it or was there an ulterior motive? Doesn't matter any more. I imagine I would not be the person I am now if he and I had hooked up.