2015-12-30 11:33 p.m.


2015 is almost done. I find myself tired and not really looking forward to the new year. I really only work. Things are ok, not exciting but ok. dh is as busy as ever. He usually works 6 days a week. He doesn't have any tenants in his building any more. If that is hurting us I don't know about it. dd1 works full time now but she doesn't like her job. I worry about her. She doesn't go out much and doesn't have the group of friends she used to have. If she isn't at work, she is usually at home. I'm not sure that is good for her. dd2 goes to school in GA now but I don't think she likes it. She expressed an urge to come home. If she wanted to quit I might be for it, but she phrased it more like taking a break. I'm not sure about that. Mom is as crazy as ever. She is in assisted living now. I find myself worrying about her all the time. Most recently she has been putting kitty litter in the toilet. They want me to take the cat. I haven't done it yet, but I'm sure I will have to soon. She doesn't like the assisted living place. I don't think she understands it though. It's so weird talking to her because she'll say things like she is going to get a car. She is going to volunteer at the park. She is going to go bowling. She is in a locked unit. She can't leave unless she is with someone. The only people who visit her are my sister and I. I don't know what her reality is. Not a clue. She still doesn't think there is anything wrong with her. Yet I collect all the bills and she is living in a room the size of a bedroom.

Tonight I called an old friend of moms. I didn't really expect to get anyone, but she answered. I could barely understand her. She sounded so old. I knew she was retired but I forgot she is older than my mother. Isn't that silly? She is approaching 90 and I'm surprised she sounded old. Am I an idiot? I tried to get Mom to talk to her, but Mom couldn't understand her. I have to admit I had trouble too. I now need to send her a note. She is someone Mom trusted a lot and talked to often when they lived in the same area. She hasn't lived around here for about 10 years. They talked on the phone often when we first got Mom's diagnosis. Oddly enough this is one the people that Mom said we were doing the wrong thing. One of the people who said there was nothing wrong with mom. I have no idea if that is true. Based on what she said on the phone this evening, she knew something was going on with mom. Sorry I still wrestle with the thought that only my sister and I saw something wrong with my mother. Mom's friends never really talked to us about it. And now all those "friends" are gone. No visits or anything. It's like mom dropped off the planet. I say that and I can't really recall the last time I visited a friend. I go to yoga, work, home, my mother's and my sister's. That is my life now. It's all I seem to have energy for. That and my darling dh seems to be majorily negative about our friends and family lately. Lovely. Imagine my surprise when he said we were having a New Years Eve party. Surprise Surprise.

I don't know what to hope for next year, but I wish anyone reading this a better one than they had this year. Happy New Year!

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