2005-08-01 8:10 p.m.
Relationships
My sister's impending divorce and some of the recent events that I have been reading in other people's diaries have me thinking about my own marriage. In particular meany's has really had me thinking. I've been married for 15 years. While we were dating and I was away at college my dh was with another woman. I knew the other woman was interested, but I didn't actually know how far it went until after we were married. I had kissed another man at college and I figured we'd just call it even, but when I found out that his was a bit more than that I was hurt. To be honest, I had questioned whether we should have even stayed together before we got married. I've always been comfortable with dh, but we lacked the passion I see in other people's relationships. I often wonder what could have happened if we had just broken up while I was in college. After I dropped out of college, we got engaged and I got pregnant. So whole point was mute.
Years later, I ended up having another child, my father died and somewhere in that year I learned about the indiscression. I really don't know if it was all related, but I was unhappy and sorta "looking" and met someone. I didn't end up having an affair, but he and I talked a lot. Frankly I would have if he had been interested, which I think he initially was, but this happened over a long period of time. He also had divorced from his wife in the first year of their marriage because she had an affair and wanted out. He felt strongly about not doing that to someone else.
In all of that and my little sex issue I always felt I wouldn't leave my dh if I found out he had an affair. He really has much better reasons for leaving me than I have for leaving him. Lately my only bonus is that I bring in a nice paycheck and pay the bills.
Relationships are hard. dh and I still have a hard time talking about anything serious. He feels I'm always cutting him down and I feel he doesn't hear me. Words come out of my mouth and translate into something else and fall into his ears. I don't know how we'll do this for another 15 years. Not that I've got divorce plans on the horizon. Status-quo (or something like that) works for me.
dh really is a good guy. He never had another indiscression. He's very good at telling me he loves me and wants me and all of that. He cooks, cleans, helps with the children. He can fix almost anything. Does well even without my paycheck. He's a damn good catch.
Good luck to all of you who are working things out. One day at a time, right? Maybe even one minute at a time.