2013-01-18 10:50 p.m.
Paranoia Will Destroya
I hope I sleep tonight. Sleep was somewhat elusive last night.
Crap crap crap crappy crap crap. That's all I could think about. I hate being in my head sometimes.
I saw mom yesterday. We had dinner together. We got kicked out of the main dining room. She was wearing sweats and I was wearing jeans. We have to dress up. I forgot and so did she. Oddly enough she changed into sweats and I knew it might be an issue, but I didn't have the guts to say anything. She didn't even think they were sweats. It will happen again. She wore sweats to her husband's funeral. She doesn't have a clue what they are.
So we ate in the less formal area, but mom didn't like her dinner. She had beets with apple butter on top. ??? WTF? Sometimes the FTD diagnosis sounds just right. After that she had chicken parm, but ate none of it. I thought it was good, but she did not. Such is life. At the house she rarely ate dinner. It was always crap, so I really wasn't surprised.
Someone wrote about their mother and some of the odd things she did after diagnosed with FTD and what she wrote really threw me. Her mother would talk to pictures. Life size pictures (no body, just the head) and then got upset when they wouldn't leave. I will freak out if mom does that. I guess it would be good to have something obvious, but Wow! The other thing she did was interact with the people on TV. She made them tea. Tea??? And she would get mad because they talked over her and they also wouldn't leave. I wonder at what point that would happen?
Mom has been weird for so long, but it's not super weird, it's just annoying weird. Hell, I'm annoying weird. Frankly I think I'm paranoid and anxious. I'm going to drive myself crazy. Anyway mom isn't weird enough for someone to say she isn't right (as in she shouldn't live alone or she should have help paying the bills or whatnot). The majority seem to think she is ok. I wish I knew her friends better, but I don't. The ones I knew way back are no longer in the picture.
Well I'm very tired. I guess I'll try this sleep thing or I'll be watching Greg Furgason again. (I probably got that wrong.)