2007-04-18 11:25 p.m.
Anti Social Life
This kid at VT was nuts. (Like that isn't obvious.) How can one lead an anti social life and blame the world for his problems? Why couldn't he see that the more anti social he was the worse the world treated him?
I can't recall if I told this story before, but ...
When I was little, I was shy, extremely shy. As I got older that shyness was viewed as alouf (sp?) and ... I can't think of the right word, but something along the lines of "holier than thou". That couldn't have been further from the truth. I was that way until I was around 19. At 19, for whatever the reason, either because I was out of school or not as influenced by my parents or because I had to, I started to come out of my shell. I decided to go to college. I applied to and got accepted without any help. I basically just told my parents I was going and please sign here because they insist that I have my parents sign the financial paperwork, but I paid for it. I went to college but I was still that shy self, I found college to be "cold". I participated, but only when it was safe. I really hated eating alone and wouldn't do it if I could help it, but being an introvert does not help. After a year and 1/2 and some bad grades I dropped out. It was a flip decission based on the fact that I wasn't getting along with my roomate and I couldn't see how I could make things better. I only had a few friends at college and they couldn't help and I just didn't see a way out, so I left. But the last weeks of the semester people began to talk to me. People who I can't remember talking to me before I made up my mind. They were asking me what I was doing next semester and such and they were disappointed that I wasn't continuing on. I was so surprised. Where the hell were they before, before when I needed the help? They were there all along, but they didn't know I needed help. I didn't make use of the tutors or study groups. I didn't go to the social organizations. I didn't go to church. How different things might have been if I had built a social circle. But I know that. I know that life was and is what I make of it, not what someone makes for me.
I hope a witch hunt doesn't ensue from this. I hope the kids who aren't well understood, but who aren't bad are not mixed in with the ones who may be crazy.
I guess most of all I hope my kids will be safe. I just don't want to play the blame game.