2006-10-04 10:18 p.m.
Unanswered Questions
I had trouble sleeping last night. The murders in Lancaster have really bothered me. I realize that somehow they will get through it and that their belief in God will be stronger and the belief that we are bad will be stronger. I wonder if they are right. I began to write a letter in my head to what I consider to be my Amish friends. I like their simple way of life, their sense of community, their strong beliefs in their God.
It occured to me, then, that my belief in God has changed over the years. When I was little I believed in God and Jesus and Heaven and Hell and I didn't question the ways. As I got older and exposed to other ways of worship and met what I considered to be unfriendly Christians I began to wonder. When my father died I totally questioned religion. First I couldn't believe God would let it happen and when I got past that and decided God couldn't stop him, I was upset that suicide was a sin. And it may sound childish, but I felt that Dad was going to hell because of that sin. How could that be right? He was a good man. I don't know. It is easier to believe that there is nothing after death, just a hole in the ground.
My loss of faith. And yet that faith will comfort the Amish and it will help them with the loss of their children. Why? Because this was God's way? Because the children are in a better place?